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This year signifies a ten-year milestone since the word “vanishing” hit the common lexicon. At the time, the idea that someone could instantly end contact with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. We were so innocent. In the decade since, navigating toward a mate has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes pointless exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media lingo.

Generation Z, a cohort who grew up during a loneliness crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a coordinated challenge on the rights of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their millennial predecessors could ever imagine. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown longer and more unhinged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” pushing the limits of your mental fortitude.

Below is a comprehensive glossary to the terms gen Z is using to discuss romance, sex and the quest of both. To channel one of the year’s most viral online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Authenticity – According to gen Z, dating’s ideal is showing up as your real, raw self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend loosely based on a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reply is engaged or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while exuding mystery and independence. (She might still have that fringe.)

C

Chair theory – This means going for someone who aids you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would pull up a chair for you to sit down.

Choremance – A date where two people bond while running errands, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained people in their 20s do low-cost dating in a inflation-era world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or breakup, spilling all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a symbol of 1980s young urban professional excess, it describes pairs who opt out of parenthood to focus on their own happiness. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Open communication – The opposite of being guarded: utilizing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Signals

• Danger signals – Personal habits suggesting a potential partner is bad news. Such as calling their exes unstable, poor tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These actions affirm your decision to date a mate. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, having a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe specific, mostly harmless idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who loathes the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things fosters intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, purposefully postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A trend describing many women's increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An ideal championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly home-oriented, who seemingly has no goals of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Random and usually everyday turnoffs that immediately extinguish any feelings of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an extremely thoughtful act.

J

Jobs – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be limited since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance realistic.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {